Tuesday, 23 July 2013
Royal Babies and Adoption . What a difference !
I decided to write this post as the world seems to have gone completely mad over a certain Royal baby born yesterday to William and Kate .
I found it hard to believe that they cancelled Long Lost Family to take us to Buckingham palace to watch an hour of news .The result being a board erected by two people announcing the birth .
Don't get me wrong . I love the Royal family but I hate the extent we are fed any information regarding the smallest details of their lives.
Today I have avoided feeding myself with any further "No News " announcements as it leaves me bellowing abuse from my settee.
I would like to point out one small point about this little baby that we all appear to forget .When that baby was born , at the very minute it entered the world he had something in common with every little baby born in the world .
That baby had a clean slate , no other human had interfered with its life .Kate obviously cared for her self and her baby from the on start of her pregnancy , which helps towards a happy birth story.
In Adoption as new parents we hope for a happy family life , it's what we dream of .During assessment preparation we listen to the pitfalls of what we may have to face as the children are placed , but do you really listen? Do you really hear the messages behind the case studies ?
I say this, as I thought I did .The realisation of living with two children with RAD and attachment issues began to become our everyday lives .I wondered how it was that the reality of what we took on against the life I envisaged for our little family ,were miles apart !
What I think we fail to hear on our journey is the conscious message ,the one that spells out that the children you are getting DO NOT come with a clean slate when they are placed within your family network . I believe we all have preconceived ideas of a perfect family life and really do not have any idea how hard it is to bring a child up who has different genes and has already been in the hands of other human beings .
Many children coming into the care system are from backgrounds of drug , Alchohol, and physical and sexual abuse . Many birth mothers will have drunk and taken drugs throughout their pregnancies making the chance of a perfect baby entering the world almost a miracle.
Many may be single mothers ,although full of love for their new babies they
may not know how to parent or care for their children and with lack of support and finance may gradually neglect the very child they promised to love and look after . They may attract abusive partners who eventually grind their self esteem into the ground resulting in further abuse of themselves and eventually the children .
After a while , Social Services will get involved and although those mums love those children they eventually will be deemed unfit to look after them .
This is the reality of the children that need Adopting today in the U K , there are no perfect slates , no Royal nurses and hairdressers to make their lives better .By the time you get your children the damage is already ingrained in their psyches and will take many years of time , patience and support to unravel the knots that have been tightly embedded in their tiny little minds .
I am not writing this not to put people off adopting .I just know , as I have lived the dream .
Support is needed from the onset of your placement , fight for it , as you will need it . Maybe not straight away but don't be fooled by "This child has very few problems " Being born to a different family is big enough .
So as we celebrate this fortunate little baby coming into our crazy world , it's good to remember that at one point there was no difference in how they started their journey into this world .
The effect of human intervention from that minute on ,changes the whole picture of how a child's life develops .As an Adoptive parent you may never be able to mend what can not be fixed .
Be kind to yourselves and don't expect too much to quick . In Adoption it's the little things that we have to treasure .
A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step .
IAmy has very kindly offered to write a short piece on her experience of Adoption ,another chance for me to reflect on how far she has come ...
I have decided to write on Disruption in my blog today. This week was a sad week as I heard that my very good friends finally could not do ...
The other day I asked my daughter Lauren to write me a few lines on how she felt growing up as an adoptee .I feel touched at the piece she w...
I have thought a lot about how I am going to write about such a sensitive subject .There are so many theories and books written on attachmen...
I've decided to do a mid week blog , for a couple of reasons . 1. To get my head around what my friend is going through . 2.To offload s...
As I mentioned in my last post , I want to share how it felt to live with a child who had Rage Attachment Disorder and its not easy to talk ...
In this blog I am going to share our very first Christmas with our children .As the children had been catapulted into our lives earlier than...
This week the topic for #WASO is food . I have been thinking about this and as it was such a huge issue for me during our 15 years together ...
I am writing this today as I am unable to apply myself to much and thought it might help me to reflect on how sad but truly grateful I am . ...
The theme of @adoptionsocial this week is stories , immediately the importance of reading to your children comes to mind . If you ever had a...