Part 5 :Contact within Adoption.

After our experience with Toni and Kieron's foster carers , we decided to complain that they were jeopardising the children's time together by bringing the whole of their extended family.
it was decided that the contact was for the children only and we went back to having a
Support worker bring the children to visits.

In the meantime Kirsty had made contact again with Toni and Kieron and it was agreed she would come on the next visit .
We decided to try a different place to meet arranging to meet in London at the British Science museum .
The day was fraught from the start as it became more complicated for all of us meeting up and getting across London .
The three children arrived with their care worker for the day ,she was an elderly lady ,really sweet but exhausted .We ended up telling her to sit in the coffee shop to have a rest.
The children were wild together.The excitement seeing each ,was almost too much to contain.
John and I are both from families of five siblings ,and were quite used to the noise and erratic behaviour .
This poor lady was completely worn out .The science museum was not a good choice , they had no interest in anything and it was a case of us chasing round trying to round them up like sheep .
Toni and Kieron were not in a good place at the time , they were very jealous of the girls life with us .
At one point Kieron disappeared it was very stressful .We finally caught up with him ,he was very angry and wanted to know why we couldn't adopt them .
This was very distressing for us .Those children should have had help to come to terms with being the ones that were left in Foster Care .

As I have said in previous posts ,I do not believe children should be split up if they have spent most of their lives together .The pain that separation causes stays with them .All the siblings have met up since Toni and Kieron left care ,the pain that they were the ones left behind still stays with them .
Toni still states the girls were luckier because they were adopted .I believe she is right as we are still there for the girls and she has nobody.

The day ended up on a crowded underground.Goodbyes were not easy and it was not an experience that we ever wanted to repeat .
Kirsty decided yet again to have a break from contact as she found it very hard after she got home .
We continued meeting with Toni and Kieron for several more meetings .The problem of a good care worker was also solved and we were assigned to a wonderful man called Danny .Danny was able to deal with the children and was also very understanding of our problems .
We were beginning to notice that Kieron needed to be watched as he appeared to have no boundaries with Amy and Lauren .
We knew a bit about Toni and Kieron's past and alarm bells were ringing. Danny was wonderful and together we compiled a report expressing our anxieties.

After this meeting contact stopped for a while ,Kirsty was in touch but didn't want to meet up .
We intended to carry on with Toni and Kieron and were not prepared for what happened next .

The girls were informed as usual the day before contact and were very excited . The day was a very hot summers day and we were going to meet to go swimming at a fun pool .As usual I felt very nervous ,we got the girls up and dressed and aimed to set off to meet them .
The telephone rung , Danny had just received a call to say that Toni and Kieron were not coping well .The children's Birth father had recently passed away suddenly and they had made contact with their birth mother and understandably found it all too much to deal with .
The Foster carers had advised him that they wanted to postpone contact until they felt better .
We found it really upsetting to tell the girls , there were lots of tears ,anger and tantrums .
It is very hard to watch your children's pain and take the brunt of their frustration .

We decided the best thing we could do would be to go somewhere nice and make the best of the sunshine.We went to a local beauty spot called Tyneham .The children always loved it there and we took ourselves off to the furthest part of the beach to gain some peace and quiet .
The girls were quite happy and I was enjoying swimming and reading ,the stress of the contact visit being cancelled was melting away in the joy of this hot summers day .

John decided to take the girls off up the cliff for a walk with our mad springer spaniel.I was happily enjoying a few child free moments on my own .
Suddenly my dog came running towards me crying , I looked at him and saw two little holes on his nose.John and the girls arrived back to see why he had run off as they had seen him put his nose in a bush and he yelped and ran way.
By this time , Brackens face was swelling up like a balloon , he looked like the dog from Oliver ,the bulldog and he was panting heavily .
We realised he had been bitten by an adder and it was a case of moving quickly to get help.
I have never regretted my need to be as far away from people as I did that day .We packed all our things up and stumbled along the beach ,Tyneham is shingle and its impossible to run and it was a long way .We finally got near the end of the beach and luckily there was a warden ?We were all bundled into this tiny land rover and thrown all over the place as we raced across the cliffs to get back to the car .Amy and Lauren found this very exciting ,but we were feeling very anxious about Bracken who was not in a good way .
The ranger dropped us at our car and it was then a race to Poole to get the dog treated .
The good news was he survived , he had to stay in over night after an injection and he was on a drip .When he came home he was very sad for a few days then he was back to normal .
This was a day that we would not forget in a hurry but it did take our minds off contact .

After that day we never saw Toni and Kieron at a contact meeting again, Kirsty had a short time to deal with how she was feeling and the girls were saddened at losing the contact visit.

As you can see contact changes .it can sometimes feel easier not to be doing it ,but whatever way it goes somebody suffers , loss doesn't go away in Adoption ,It just shifts to other areas .
In my next post , contact is renewed with Kirsty and we find out that our extended family is growing.