First post on contact re letterbox and face to face.

On Friday my daughter Amy is going up to stay with her birth family for a few days .It is interesting how different things are to where we were four years ago.
The girls have now both left home and living with their partners ,Amy is expecting her first baby and Lauren is working her way to Management at McDonalds after being thrown out of school last year .Yes when the shit hits the pan just breathe and say "THIS TOO WILL PASS". Difficult sometimes .Even this time last year I was climbing the wall ,Lauren wouldn't get out of bed for school ,when she did go I usually got a phone call to ask why she wasn't at registration.
Now she is learning to drive ,finished her apprenticeship ,been promoted to crew trainer and in five weeks hoping to start the management scheme.Life is very different.

I decided to sort some photographs out ,I looked through the boxes at the many hundreds of snaps I have of Amy and Lauren .I reflected on their birth mother Dawn and thought she never saw those precious moments of the children she gave birth too, I can't imagine what that must feel for a mother .
We all make mistakes in life , some more than others .Drinking to mask the effects of her own damaged child hood ,too try and stop the pain that she felt for what others had done to her.We all have different ways of soothing our agonies,some unfortunately have worse consequences.

I have never felt anything but compassion for their mother and she has never been a threat too me and I know that she has always been respectful to me.
So , I have been through the photographs and sorted an assortment of pictures of the girls as they were growing up.some of the pictures are with their siblings when we met up with them at contact visits .
We are only guardians in our children's life , they are young adults now .We will always be mum and dad but our purpose is complete ,it was hard to let go but I am now over the empty nest pain ,which believe me was painful .I am on to a new phase of my life now,supporting others to complete their journeys and let their children grow into their authentic selves.

When we first took the girls on ,contact was supposed to be six times a year with three siblings ,we really felt that was too much and negotiated it down to three.
We also agreed once a year to write to Their Birth mother, two fathers , An Aunt ,and an older sister.
I did find it a strange experience once a year putting a letter together about a year of our life ,we were told to keep it quite simple and not give too many personal details away .
I tried to make them fun and put pictures which showed the girls doing nice things .
I would always ask the girls if they wanted to contribute anything to the letters but they were too interested in going out to play.

I did find it irritating as I heard they never picked the letters up ,I presume social Services would have written to them ,but I couldn't be sure .

I wrote those letters every year until the year the truth about my daughters abuse ,then I decided to stand my ground , I refused to write them anymore as at the time , I could not have continued writing to the people who must have been aware what was happening within the family network.
Unfortuantly abuse is not a stand alone case , it's carried through the generations .

I feel very strongly ,that if children can stay with their families and be safe .with good support then this is always the best option .However if there is any chance that children will end up being sexually or physically abused within their families the sooner they are placed to be adopted the better .

I have lot to say about Contact so I will continue for as many posts as it takes to get all my experiences and personal views across. Feel free to place your comments and share your contact concerns.

I hope you will enjoy my posts , Contact is scary for Adoptive parents and many wish to avoid it , I personally would almost be physically sick coming up to the day of the visit .Even then I would say go beyond your fears and it will pay off in the end.